(NOTE: This installment serves as an account of my experiences and as a highlight to the tragic event of the Genocide in Rwanda. To write about the Genocide’s complete history would take too much space here. I am in no way an expert on the many facets of this event. However, I have learned a lot through interaction. There will be resources linked to this writing which you can access for more information. What you are about to read may not be easy… but please read it anyway. - Allen Paul Weaver III, New York, )

(NOTE: Thankfully, our three-person team made it to Rwanda, Burundi and back to the United States safely without any major incidents. Personally, the trip to Rwanda and Burundi was a lot for me to process. However, I didn’t want to write anything lengthy until I had time to “sit” with my thoughts for a bit. At the time of this first writing - I’ve only been back in the states for just under 48 hours hours. Yet I realize this is an opportunity to give you a sense of my experience and thoughts. So what you are about to read is still somewhat of a work in process. Feel free to leave comments. And “Thank you” to all who prayed for us while we were gone. - Allen Paul Weaver III, June 4, 2008, New York, 6:53am E.S.T.)

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Who am I? What is my purpose? Everyone struggles with these thoughts. Even if we do find answers to these questions, there are still barriers that prevent us from discovering our true identity and living free. Some barriers we put up ourselves, while some are erected by others. Once we trust in God and discover how to break through these barriers, we become so much stronger.

An anthology of poetry, short stories, and essays, Transition recounts major moments and observations from the last ten years of author Allen Paul Weaver III’s life. He shares many deeply personal aspects of his journey to self-discovery. He writes candidly about his suicide attempt and life struggles. Allen also seeks insight into the issues we all wrestle with: family, life, death, education, career, prejudice, relationships, society, the nature of God, and our destiny. No matter your gender or ethnic background, the profound thoughts in Transition challenge you to improve yourself and give you courage to break through the ever-present barriers that we all face.

I love my mother and don’t mind letting the entire world know about it. Watch this video and share it with the “moms” in your life.

Are You Happy With God Alone?

Are you happy with Me alone?
If I never granted another personal wish
All your dreams and aspirations inside
Never to be seen and glorified.

Watching others receive blessings from Me
Their smiles and laughter… their tears of joy
While your dreams run away from you
Like sand slipping through your fingers.

Are you happy with Me alone?
If I never said “I love you” again
Which doesn’t mean that I don’t
But could you withstand My silence?

As I used you to only bless others
While your dreams, I knocked by the wayside
Could you trust Me as I stand
Wanting you to commit your very life to Me
Your living essence to Me and to Me alone.

Are you happy with Me alone?
If I allowed every possession to be taken
Like I allowed in My servant Job’s situation
With only your life intact?

Unknown Fear

I know you’re out there
I’ve felt you most of my life…
Lurking around the corners and in the shadows
Slithering your way into my mind.
For so long you’ve kept me running
Running away from where I was supposed to be
Running away from things I was supposed to see
You kept me so afraid that I missed so many opportunities.
You were always unknown… but somehow I knew who you were.
“What if I can’t do it?” You’d whisper in my ear.
“What if I fail?”
I used to buy into your manipulating suggestions
And your downright bullying
Anytime I tried to press through.
I remember how I used to feel… so afraid
Like I couldn’t do anything but fail.
I felt so inadequate… so small
Unprepared.
Vulnerable… naked.
Yes. I remember how you used to make me feel
Like I was supposed to live my whole life in you…
Fear.
You lied to me! But that’s what you do.
Never would I have guessed in a thousand lifetimes
That it is really you who are afraid.
Terrified of me – That I would fulfill the exact purpose
For which I was created.

A Brother’s Future

I sit and listen to the future of my past as my mother’s voice conveys tones of concern about my brother who’s growing up in my shoes, yet making his own steps in his direction. I sit listening to the future of my past as he lands on that middle ground between child and adult. My mother’s concern for him now becoming more obvious.

I tell her not to worry and she asks me to pray for him. What he is facing, I have faced in almost the same ways. Her voice lightens for a second then she tells me the reason why she worries. I hear the love in her voice for her #2 son… the same love she has for me, but different.