A Brother’s Future

A Brother’s Future

I sit and listen to the future of my past as my mother’s voice conveys tones of concern about my brother who’s growing up in my shoes, yet making his own steps in his direction. I sit listening to the future of my past as he lands on that middle ground between child and adult. My mother’s concern for him now becoming more obvious.

I tell her not to worry and she asks me to pray for him. What he is facing, I have faced in almost the same ways. Her voice lightens for a second then she tells me the reason why she worries. I hear the love in her voice for her #2 son… the same love she has for me, but different.

I’m out of the house, but she must deal with a young man who’s searching for his own way. I try to comfort her as she asks me to talk to him. Inside myself, I must admit, lives a fear that my brother won’t turn out alright; that he’ll forsake all that’s dear and true for a path that leads to destruction. Or that I’ll get a call in the middle of the night with the heart-wrenching news that his life has been snuffed out by some crazy fool.

A crazy… fool…

I suddenly realize the swell of emotions becoming evident in my own voice. My spirit prays to God for clarity of these unwanted images. Now more than ever I experience a brother’s love that I have for Cyrus. It borders on the verge of a father’s love – after all he is a part of my flesh and blood. He walks in my shoes, but makes his own footsteps. I think about when he was little and I was a teen - every time he came calling my name. I think about every time I turned him away – not wanting to answer his flurry of questions that taunt no answers I knew of… wanting my privacy – selfishly.

I hope it is not too late for me to make a difference in his life. Do I have anything to offer? He still looks up to me, but I know the day will come when he will grow past my height. And isn’t that what an older brother should want? For his younger brother to grow past him, just like a parent should want their children to succeed where they failed?

I sit thinking about the future of my past in the life of my brother who needs me.

I need him too.

From the book: Transition: Breaking Through the Barriers, Pg. 34
Written by Allen Paul Weaver III
Published by: IUniverse June 2006