What in the world is going on with MEN? I get this question periodically from both men and women, who are trying to gain understanding concerning the struggle that men face. Just recently, a leader of a men’s group asked what my thoughts were on this subject. What in the world is going on with MEN? I know women are struggling in life as well and I do not want to minimize this fact, however there is something going on with men, that doesn’t seem to be often talked about; and when it is, somehow the discussion doesn’t seem to last very long.

Let me say here, that not every man faces the same exact issues and not every man is as bad off as another, but every man struggles in some way and I have begun to organize my thoughts based on my own experience and observations. This post is still somewhat raw and may even be further refined, but I felt it necessary to make it live now vs. later because of the increase of questions. So if you are a man and are reading this, some of these things may pertain to you and others may not. And if you are a woman, I know that you will often see things that us men do not. So, both men and women feel free to share your thoughts at the end of this post.

Here’s what I know:

1. Society, in general, teaches men to “go it alone.” We are loners, isolated like Batman or Superman, maybe occasionally seeking help. A sign of “manhood” is being able to take care of ourselves - even if we are hurt and in need of serious treatment. We’ve been taught to say, “No, I’m fine.” We’ve been told, “Be a man and suck up those tears.” “Boys don’t cry.”

2. In general, men, unlike women, do not have a genuine, natural support structure. Yes, we can come together and talk about sports, weather, movies etc… but it is very difficult to talk about what truly matters at the deepest part of who we are. So what do we do when we encounter real struggles? We stuff them down and try to cover things up. To talk about them is typically looked at as being weak - and trust that no man wants to be weak. (I know I don’t!) But maybe we need to take a look and redefine what strength and weakness means…

3. Our media-driven culture overstimulates us with sexual imagery (we’re already visually oriented) which makes it increasingly difficult to stay faithful to our wives, (also single brothers to be in healthy, monogomous relationships with a women) because we are often led astray by our own lusts and desires that are not in line with God’s purpose for our lives.

4. It is easy, in a busy society, to cover our struggles with a “mask,” giving the appearance that all is well when in fact, all may be a terrible struggle.

An Over-dramatic Reality? 

This may sound over-dramatic, but I believe this to be true: the global male species of humanity is facing a spiritual, psychological and physical pandemic. In every cultural society on the planet we are seeing similar issues being encountered. It doesn’t matter whether the culture is secular or religious. Whether you believe in a spiritual reality or not I believe Evil has declared an all out attack on men to destroy our lives, families and those who are influenced by our decisions. This attack is intensified toward Christian leaders because if we fall, those who are influenced by our lives to follow Christ may very well fall away; not to mention that the Church’s credibility with the world is diminished.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that we can blame everything on the devil, because there are very real and deliberate decisions that we, as men, are making - decisions that are bringing consequences of death. So we must both own up to our actions as well as realize that evil exists in the world and seeks our destruction.

What are some things we need to do?

Life’s example shows us that there is strength in unity. Men need to come together to assist one another as well as hold each other accountable for their actions. If men can get together and one person begins to open up and be real, from their heart about their struggles and victories - other men will begin to do so as well. Then we will discover that we are not alone in our struggles and can begin to move along the path towards wholeness. Even more so, we begin to realize that God is with us to help us, if we allow Him to do so.

We are dealing with some real issues and one example of real transparency was when Kirk Franklin got on the Oprah Winfrey show and talked about his struggle with pornography addiction. Most men act like this isn’t an issue and most women accept that this is just the way men are. But look at the undercover news exclusives where men with this addiction are trapped on national television - exposing for us all to see that there is something serious, almost invisible and intangible going on in the lives of men. But, Kirk not only talked about his addiction, he also talked about the power of God that set him free. 

When will we be open about wanting deliverance from whatever keeps us in bondage? When will we be able to deal with the issue of what it truly means to be a man? I’ve made an attempt through writing my book, Transition: Breaking Through the Barriers. Here I speak openly about my own life, observations, struggles and victories. I hope the message of Transition will empower men to do the same. What in the world is going on with Men?

Let me know what you think.

Allen Paul Weaver III